Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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