Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
this just has baby written all over it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
