Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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