fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
zippers are such a cool invention
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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