2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
