I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
