If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
