the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
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I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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