home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
