goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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