Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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