the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
