dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
