Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
