Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
