I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
