You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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