I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
please come you make the beer taste better
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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