She's JV to your varsity
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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