Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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