This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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