He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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