i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
