K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
