Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
