you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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