we're chasing vodka with high fives
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
