I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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