I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
