Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
