Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
