i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
