he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
