her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I fill condoms, not promises.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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