what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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