tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
