I can't breathe out the right side of my face
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
