I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
