Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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