After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
