last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
