Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
