Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Randomize
