And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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