Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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