If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
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I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.