i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?