'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.