I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
