Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice