My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.