Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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