Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
