remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
