so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
