i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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