I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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