For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
