is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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