A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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