dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
pop tarts are not kleenex
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Randomize
