stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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