It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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