did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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