i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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