it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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