how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
