We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
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It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
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Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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