Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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