Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
