Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
