Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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