The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
