it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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