just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
