for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
