I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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