You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
