Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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