He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
