idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
